Who Do These Celebrities Think They Are?

Is anyone else outraged by the way celebrities are handling being ridiculed?  Just when you start to think of some really good jokes about that goddamned Bieber kid, he goes and appears in a funny Super Bowl commercial.



It's just not fair when a celebrity goes and makes fun of themselves.  Barring a cocaine-induced breakdown in his twenties, this kid is going to have more money, more women, and a cooler cell phone than I ever will.  The only way I can cope is by making jokes about his pre-pubescence, and he goes and takes that away from me.

Remember this guy?

 

It was so easy to ignore his success and point out that ridiculous hair and talk about how you could beat him up if you saw him.  Then he cuts his hair and does this

Japanese Scientists Plan to Clone Woolly Mammoth-UPDATED 9-11-12

Update(story here): Another team of scientists, this one Russian, have discovered mammoth remains, including soft tissue and bone marrow, in Siberia that may contain living cells. Further tests are needed to confirm the possibility. If living cells are recovered, they will be the first such find. The testing, however, will take months.
On a related note, the X Prize Foundation is developing a so-called Jurassic Park prize. The X Prize Foundation has also set up a prize for the first private spacecraft. The specifics are still being ironed out, but it will presumably go to the first group that is able to successfully clone a prehistoric animal. Unless they cop out and give it to the first team to do something corny like sequence its genome.

The original post is below.
       

Looks like we're one step closer to Jurassic Park.  Since 1997, a team of Japanese scientists have been attempting to clone a mammoth.  Their previous three attempts have failed, since freezing causes cellular damage that renders DNA taken from mammoth tissue pretty much useless.  However, Teruhiko Wakayama has recently developed a technique to successfully harvest DNA from a mouse that was frozen for 16 years.  The DNA was taken from the brain, which has a high concentrations of sugar which helps prevent damage due to freezing.  Using this DNA, he was able to create a "partially viable" embryo which he then cloned, creating living replicas of the mouse.  The hope is that this technique will enable the scientists to take the mammoth DNA and place it into the egg cell of an Asian Elephant (with the elephant DNA removed), which will be placed back into an elephant and allowed to gestate.  The hope is that, within six years, a woolly mammoth will walk the Earth for the first time in thousands of years.

As can be expected, the possibility of cloning an extinct animal has raised all sorts of ethical questions.  The scientists involved, which includes the Japanese scientists and others they invited from the US and Russia, are pondering issues such as breeding and displaying the animal.  I think there is almost an obligation to display this animal and any others that may be cloned in the future.  I think a legitimate argument can be made to include clones of extinct animals in the "Common Heritage of Mankind".  Breeding, however, is another matter.  Mammoths should certainly not be allowed to simply live and breed in the wild, since they would drastically affect the ecosystem into which they are placed.  I'm not sure allowing them to breed just to have the entire species live in a zoo is the right thing to do either.  Maybe, if it can be done properly, some sort of preserve could be set up to maintain a very small population.  Extremely careful measures would obviously have be taken to maintain population size.

A far more compelling question is where to draw the line.  The Neanderthal Genome Project has been working since 2006 to map out the genetic code of the Neanderthal.  Early results suggest Neanderthal DNA is 99.7% identical to that of today's human.  They had the capability for language, made advanced tools, and had developed a unique culture.  So would it be ethical to clone something so close to a human being?  What do you tell a cloned baby Neanderthal about its origins?



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woolly_mammoth

Fuck Censorship!

A publisher called NewSouth Books is printing an edition of Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in which the word "nigger" (used 219 times) is replaced with "slave" and "injun" removed entirely.  Some accept this change, saying that "nigger" has a much more offensive connotation today than it did in 1884.  Others believe it will make the book accessible to more children whose parents or schools banned the book because of its vocabulary.

I'll be honest.  I haven't read it.  There are arguments that Twain actually is critiquing the ideals behind racism in his novel by portraying Jim in an apparently positive light.  Others feel that, while this may be true, his otherwise Sambo-like behavior perpetuates racist attitudes unintentionally at best.  I'm sure there are those that simply believe Twain, by today's standards at the very least, is racist.

I don't care about any of that.  Censorship is simply wrong.  If you don't like an author's work, don't publish it.  You don't have the right to make the changes you would like to see.  One comment on an article about this issue said that, while censorship is generally bad, it's OK to censor "nigger" because it is so "weighted".  So censorship is OK as long as the word is really offensive?  And who is it that determines the offensiveness of a given work?

For what it' worth, I tend to side with those who believe Twain attacks racism while subconsciously engaging in it.  Although I haven't read the book, I do know that Huckleberry Finn is the narrator of the story.  Which means he, not Mark Twain, is telling the story.  When reading, one should never assume that the narrator and the author are the same person.  This might sound stupid, but it's the basis of all satire.  Look at Stephen Colbert.  His character on the Colbert Report is entirely different from the real Stephen Colbert.  Therefore, Twain's intentional choice to have the character Huckleberry Finn narrate the novel means that the reader is being told the story through the lens of a young boy growing up in the ante-bellum South.  That being said, it is inevitable that some of the author's unique experiences will find their way into the work.

Whatever Twain's intentions were, the original text offers a meaningful insight into the race relations of the late 19th century.  And they weren't pretty.  Literature isn't always meant to make you feel warm and fuzzy.  It should be meaningful, it should serve some sort of purpose.  Censorship doesn't just change a few words around, it turns art into propaganda.

Coincidentally, the publisher is NewSouth books, based in Alabama.  Is it me, or does the South seem to try really hard to distance itself from its racially-charged past?  It always cracks me up to hear them try to argue that slavery wasn't the major issue of the Civil War.

I Saw That Dildo, Bud Light

I'm surprised someone hasn't brought this up already.  I googled "bud light commercial dildo" and didn't see anything in the first five or so results, so I'm going to go ahead and officially take credit for this.  I'm sure you've seen this commercial, in which three aliens that look like hot chicks come to "shmeplicate" with human males in exchange for Bud Light.

I don't know about you, but every time I see this commercial, all I can think is that the girl on the right is holding a huge dildo. 

 Save us, FCC! 

Late Afternoon on the Wissahickon

I woke up at about 9:45 AM to silence.  No alarm clock.  I had off from work; other than laundry and a run to the bank, I didn't have much to do.  I let my dog into the yard to go to the bathroom and put a bagel in the toaster.  It was nice, not having to rush my breakfast.  Rufus, my dog, peed quickly then ran back to the door wanting to escape the early December cold.  He ate his breakfast as quickly and as noisily as he always does.  He was endearingly goofy.  I let him back in the house, buttered my bagel, and sat down on the couch to eat and watch some TV.  Usually, I watch the news for the weather and traffic.  Not having any reason to leave the house, I started watching yesterday's episode of Dexter OnDemand.  Every Sunday, Dexter and Boardwalk Empire air from nine to ten on different channels, and I always go with Boardwalk Empire. 

After watching Dexter successfully toe the line between serial killer and regular guy for another hour,  I flipped through a few channels.  Finding nothing worth watching, I threw a load of laundry into the washer.  The thin metal door clanged shut and the hollow machine gave the sound of the water gushing in a hollow quality to it.  I went upstairs into the bathroom and turned on the shower.  A few minutes into my shower, I started singing the Christmas song I had just heard on TV.  "White Christmas".  I think The Santa Clause was on when I turned the TV off.  My attempts at imitating Bing Crosby's voice echoed off of the tiled walls.

After my shower and moving the wash into the dryer, I didn't know what to do.  As I sat on the couch wondering what to do, Rufus ran by, chasing a fly.  I decided to take him for a walk.  It had been awhile, and I enjoyed walking the trails along the Wissahickon.  Rufus always gets too excited to sit still whenever he sees me grab his leash, so I quietly grabbed it and snapped it on to his collar while he was distracted by the fly.  Forgetting the fly, he immediately bolted towards the door.  After what must have seemed ages to him, I opened the door and we made our way back the creek.  We walked along Ridge ave, then turned down Wise's Mill.

I saw no one else on the trail.  It was only about 3:30, so most people were still at work.  I suddenly remembered recently reading the essay "Morning on the Wissahiccon" by Edgar Allan Poe.  I began to wonder what it must have looked like back then.  From the way Poe spoke of it, it was still a fairly secluded area.  Not as traveled as it is today.  By this time of year, the trees are all but bare of leaves.  Maybe not as colorful as the Spring and Summer, but I liked it.  The view of the surrounding area was better without all the foliage.  I was standing on a smaller trail, going along a hill that overlooked the main path and the creek itself.  I stopped for a minute, just to take in the scene.  This was about as close to nature as it got in Philadelphia.  Having long ago learned to tune out the sounds of traffic, it was actually a nice moment.  Geese, presumably headed south, flew and honked overhead.  To my left was a rough patch in the water.  Rufus tugged me further down the path. 

I looked back toward the white swirl of water that caught my attention earlier.  Getting a better look at it, I realized my eyes had played a trick on me.  It was actually one of the heads of the street lights that lined the main path below.  From my higher angle, it looked like it was actually in, not above, the water.  Although the sun was beginning to fade, it was still too early for the light to turn on.  A sigh escaped my lips, and I went home.





This story was inspired by a walk I took back the creek.  I did think the light was part of the water, which was disappointing to me for some reason.  It made me think of Poe's essay, so I went home and read it and found that my experience seemed like a modern version of the narrator in Poe's story.

Pennsylvania's Alcohol Laws Begin to Modernize

On Friday, Dec. 3, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court unanimously agreed that the PA Liquor Control Board followed all laws and regulations in issuing a license for on-site consumption of beer and the sale of six packs to go at all Pennsylvania Wegmans.  The eat-in cafes at Wegmans gave the supermarket the right to apply for the license, despite a legal challenge by a trade group representing local beer distributors.

I understand the concern on the part of the largely locally-owned beer distributors, but this change is long overdue.  Pennsylvania has some of the most restrictive liquor laws I've encountered in my many travels.  Our bars, distributors, and liquor stores close too early and six packs are too often sold at ridiculous prices and can only be bought two or three at a time.  The limit on how much you can carry out is especially ridiculous, since it doesn't keep you from buying more than two six packs, it just forces you to have to make several trips in and out of the bar/store.

Tom Corbett, who recently won the race for governor, hopes to privatize liquor stores, which would be freakin' awesome.  I can't stand the short hours of the nearest Pennsylvania Wine & Spirits.  Not to mention the fact that it's being closed down.  Why shouldn't I, a grown-ass man, be able to buy a bottle of rum later than 7:00?


Unfortunately, there's at least one politician who sees fighting these changes as a way to get more votes.  State Rep. Paul Clymer will try to reverse the Supreme Court's decision because he feels the State should have control over the sale of alcohol.  Who the hell put this guy in office?  On what grounds should the State be so restrictive about alcohol sales?  We already have to pay a "sin tax" on alcohol because the government decided that drinking is immoral.  I don't know on what grounds the government of a nation that so highly values the separation of church and state can decide that something is immoral yet not illegal, but it managed to do it.

Hopefully, it won't be long before I can walk to 7-11 and buy a six pack whenever I want.  And while we're at it, I think it's high time to get rid of that arrogant Puritan statue on Kelly Drive.  Stuffy bastards.

Arsenic-Based Life

As it turns out, the Grinch's "three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce" might not be as deadly as we've been led to believe.  Previously, scientists have been unable to find any form of life that could replace any one of the six major building blocks of life: carbon, phosphorus, nitrogen, sulfur, oxygen, and hydrogen.  Earlier this week, NASA scientists announced the discovery of bacteria in Mono Lake, California that, due to a lack of environmental phosphorus, have been able to use the usually poisonous element arsenic in their cellular structure, DNA, RNA, etc.  Although some scientists believe this discovery overestimates how much arsenic these bacteria actually use in their cellular structure, it is still pretty damn interesting to say the least.

The day before this announcement was made, Nature announced that scientists now estimate that the universe contains 300 sextillion stars (300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000), three times the previous estimate.  With each star, the probability of extraterrestrial life increases, since each one could be the sun for another planet capable of sustaining life.  And of course, the discovery that at least one "big six" component of life can be replaced suggests others may be replaceable as well, further increasing the probability of life outside of Earth.  Many believers in alien life have long hypothesized that life on other planets may be based on different chemicals than life on Earth. 

Pretty interesting.